Welcome to the world...

Ava Mae Holme

February 8, 2013 at 12.48pm

6 pounds, 13 ounces

50cm in length

I do realise I have some explaining to do.  My time away  from this space has been lengthy and filled with many emotions, all of which I am still trying to come to grips with myself.  I am getting back into the swing of things and cannot wait to share the entire journey with you very soon! 

I can hardly believe that she is here, safe in my arms, finally.

Much love x

Please don't say it

I love this article, once again found on Mamamia.  I am sure all my fellow IVF friends will find it appropriate.

Enjoy xx

Social life...what social life?

One thing I do miss incredibly is my friends and social life.  Unfortunately, due to the SCH, Hyperemesis and the constant need to be in and out of hospital every week, I no longer have a social life.  I feel really out of the loop with my friends and I miss them incredibly.  I miss our dinner, movie and coffee catch ups.  I miss hearing about what is happening in their lives.  I miss seeing our children play.  I miss the laughter and gossip.

I haven't been available to be a good friend and this disappoints me to no end. My friends are so very important to me and I do hope that I am able to see some sort of stabilisation with the complications as the pregnancy progresses and hopefully, with that, comes my re-release back into the real world, but until then...I miss you all and you are never far from my thoughts!

Much love x

Living with a Sub Chorionic Hematoma

To better understand what a Sub Chorionic Hematoma (SCH) is:

A subchorionic hematoma, subchorionic bleeding is the accumulation of blood within the folds of the chorion (the outer fetal membrane, next to the placenta) or within the layers of the placenta itself. These bleeds, or clots, can cause the placenta to separate from the uterine wall if they get too large, if they develop in a bad spot, or if they aren’t eventually reabsorbed. 

While most subchorionic hematomas dissolve on their own, it is possible for the clot to get in between the placenta and the uterine wall, resulting in miscarriage, increased risk of placental abruption and preterm labor.  Depending on the findings, as well as on your practitioner’s preferences, he or she may put you on strict bed rest, insist you refrain from lifting heavy objects, and avoid exercise.

To make a long story short, I have been bleeding fairly consistently since the very beginning of my pregnancy. At first, the SCH was never visible but after having so many scans and a few very detailed scans after several large bleeds they have finally found an SCH. Basically, because I bleed so regularly we are at risk of pre term delivery which could result in a loss before 28 weeks. Our Obstetrician is hopeful that by 20 weeks the bleeding will subside and we can go on to have a successful pregnancy, but right now we are in a risky zone and there is nothing they can do to stop it. To give us the best chance the treatment prescribed is...bed rest.

There are various forms of bed rest, I have been on both strict bed rest immediately following a bleed and also modified rest once the bleeding has eased off. The strict bed rest entails not moving out of bed unless going to the bathroom or having a shower and this has to happen for a good few days until the bleeding is 100% gone. Everything must be done for me. Modified rest is a little easier, I am able to pop out and about for very short periods of time and do a few things around the house but I still must have an adequate rest period throughout the day. All in all I am generally unable to lift or carry anything, absolutely no exercise (including walking) and housework is pretty much out of the question.  

Being on any type of rest is a lot harder than you would imagine, particularly when you have a family to take care of. We are incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful family who take a lot of the pressure off us by helping take care of William and cooking us meals and doing a lot of the housework.  

At this point I am still on steroids and Zofran to help fight the Hyperemesis and I trust that my Obstetrician is doing everything he can to prevent pre term labour by having weekly ultrasounds and check ups. Like many other decisions I have made this pregnancy, I have learnt to accept that science and medicine sometimes do have a very valuable place during pregnancy.

One thing I am working on is getting used to having people do things for me. As you would know, I am a control freak so I do have trouble accepting the fact that I need people to do things for me 99.9% of the time.  

I must remind myself when I am having a low day (and trust me, there are many) why I am lying here and that this will all be worth it in the end.

Much love x

Emotionally and Physically MIA

I haven’t felt like writing about my pregnancy, I really have no other explanation for the lack of blogging over the last 2 months.  A lot has changed and a lot of sweet people have been trying to get in touch with me to check in and make sure everything is okay. I feel ready to talk about what has been happening and I plan on making an effort to get back into posting about what is happening in my life and processing it on here. Aside from suffering from Hyperemesis, I am also having other pregnancy complications which do not appear to be subsiding any time soon.  I will explain this in detail over the coming days but for now I will just go through the emotional side of things. 

First and foremost, this is an infertility blog.  I started blogging to help process the struggle of trying to fall pregnant.  Many women have reached out to me with their struggles and most have now fallen pregnant with the aid of fertility treatment, however, there is something we always talk about on the side...what happens when an infertile couple does become pregnant?

Firstly, no one seems to fully engross themselves in their pregnancy.  Everyone is very happy and relieved but at the same time there is this sense of waiting to see when the other shoe will drop.  When will this end and go back to the miserable and unhappy times of before? 

In the months following my miscarriages and the months I waded through the waters of infertility treatment, I always thought I would know how I would react to becoming pregnant.  I had assumed I would feel the exact same way I had felt when I was pregnant with Will. I could not have been any more off in my thought process. The fact is, this has been a difficult pregnancy for me. I don’t feel invested or excited. I don’t want to get attached and I believe this is my way of protecting myself. I feel like I am in limbo, just waiting for the rest of the pregnancy. I really wish I had a time machine and I could fast forward to a time where all is well and I have a healthy full term baby in my arms.  The biggest difference this pregnancy is the fear. The fear that haunts you every day. The anxiety.  The what ifs. The unknown.  The hope.  The hope that things will work out this time. I have way too much time on my hands at the moment.  Too much time to think and too much time to worry. 

So now that I am pregnant for the 4^th time I have seen more doctors than I can count.  I have been hospitalised, had more blood tests, hormones, steroids and anti nausea medications pumped into my body than ever before, not to mention the nearly twice weekly ultrasounds.  The short of it, I am suffering from an active SCH – Sub Chorionic Hematoma.  This is the fear holding me back.

Tomorrow is my weekly check up and ultrasound with our obstetrician, a day I look forward to each week.

Much love x